'I Just Want To Be Content With My Pursuits.'

  • 10 Sep 2019

This story by Hanushaa was originally featured on Malaysian Indian Anthology and has been reproduced in Astro Ulagam.

Being born into a conservative Indian family, the life my parents had envisioned for me was stereotypically simple; graduate, get married and build a family. But in the words of Arya Stark, “That’s not me”.

At the age of 23, I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. As a medical student, I had expected it, perusing my symptoms in textbooks and asking lecturers about my condition. Growing up, I dreamt of joining Médecins Sans Frontières, to travel the world and help those truly in need. Marriage and kids weren’t in the picture.

I remember that afternoon when the doctor delivered the news to us. When I heard I might never have children, something changed. I suddenly felt small, helpless and found myself yearning something I never wanted. What broke my heart was my mother’s eyes glistening with tears as she asked the doctor, “Will she never have kids?”. If I hadn’t felt like a failure before, I did then.

I’ve never understood why the idea of matrimony and motherhood is placed on a high pedestal in Indian families. Why are parents adamant that having a family would ensure their child’s happiness?

I just want to be content with my pursuits.

Photo source: Malaysian Indian Anthology

Suggested Articles

How-Appa-Taught-Us-To-Love Community
  • 10 Sep 2019

How Appa Taught Us To Love

As I sat in the train the other day, I reminisced about the times Appa would make us sit down together as a family for dinner.

Remembering-The-Legacy-of-K-Thamboosamy-Pillay Community
  • 04 Sep 2019

Remembering The Legacy of K Thamboosamy Pillay

K Thamboosamy Pillay, a name not so famed today, but was a prominent figure in the late 1870s.

The-Tale-Of-The-RM3-Kasut-Getah Community
  • 29 Aug 2019

The Tale Of The RM3 'Kasut Getah'

The RM3 'kasut getah' has become part of my identity and they have made trips to the UK, Europe and now US as I pursue my Masters.

I-m-Not-Any-Less-Indian-Just-Because-I-Can-t-Speak-Tamil Community
  • 27 Aug 2019

'I'm Not Any Less Indian, Just Because I Can't Speak Tamil'

I grew up speaking English most of the time. My mother was a Tamil language teacher and our conversations always consist of her speaking in Tamil and me speaking in English.

When-Will-Prejudice-and-Judgment-Against-Us-End Community
  • 22 Aug 2019

'When Will Prejudice and Judgment Against Us End?'

Here I was studying to become a doctor, but it didn't make an iota of difference against the prejudice that faces our community.